No, you can't join our cult. Sorry.

What kind of cool secret cult would we be if we let every jackass on the internet buy their way in?

Dear Comrades,

As part of my quest to butter you up so you give me money, I plan to start trying some new things.

First, I should probably clarify that, contrary to what you might think, I’m not actually balling out of control.

BEFORE I STARTED NEVERMORE:

AFTER I STARTED NEVERMORE:

I think it should be pretty obvious I treat this like a full-time job, and my audience has been growing, but I’m still a long way from making a living.

Because I currently only have only 26 paying subscribers, and because I want my most important work to be available to everyone, it doesn’t currently make sense for me to spend a lot of time writing original articles just for paid subscribers.

So, I’ve been brainstorming about what I can offer as icing on top of the delicious cake that I’ve been serving you for free for the past three years.

If anyone has any ideas, I’m all ears.

Here are my ideas so far:

1. Music and Comedy Playlists

2. Recipes

3. Jokes (Remember when people used to tell jokes?)

4. Excerpts from books (given that I’m really into political anthropology right now, I’m thinking that I’ll start sharing some of my favourite passages from different ethnographies)

5. Tutorials on how to do things that Nevermorons might want to do

6. Content that is TOO HOT FOR TV… Well, technically, this isn’t TV, but you know what I mean. “Too Controversial for the Clearweb” doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue. What? You want me to spell it out for you? You know - sex, drugs, crime, slander, gossip, CJ Hopkins-style anti-semitic hate speech… that kind of thing.

Anyway, as for today, we’re going to be sharing a delicious recipe for Yucatan-style Tortilla Soup, courtesy of the one and only Gavin Mounsey, who, by the way, recently landed a gig with Media Monarchy! Congratulations, comrade!

The first segment of the "Mounsey Minute" series on Media Monarchy aired recently!

Anyway, here’s a pic to pique your appetite. Doesn’t that look delicious? Wouldn’t your girlfriend/boyfriend be stoked if you served her/him up with a steaming bowl of delicious soup?

Remember, Valentine’s Day is coming up! She/He is vegan you say? Fear not! The recipe tells you how to make this delicious soup with or without meat.

You can’t tell me that your mouth isn’t watering right now. Unless you’re already you’re a paid subscriber, that is, in which case feel free to tell me whatever you want. Comments are disabled for free subscribers.

That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t become a free subscriber though! What are you waiting for? Lift up that lonely heel of yours and plant it on the first rung of the Yes Ladder!

Not only will you receive quality content directly in your inbox, it’s also the first step towards letting us brainwash you!

Seriously, what are you waiting for? Aren’t you sick of having such a dirty brain? Why not lay back, kick your feet up and let the new wave of anarchist philosophy wash your worries away?

And to those of you who keep trying to throw money at us to buy your way into our secret cult, no you can’t join! Fuck off! What kind of cool secret cult would it be if we let every jackass on the Internet buy their way in?

I mean, true - we did get evicted from our headquarters, so maybe if you were offering us a building or something, maybe we’d hear you out. Maybe. Don’t get your hopes up, though. We’re a very exclusive cult.

What? You didn’t know that we have a cult? Oh shit, did I let the cat out of the bag? Fuck! No one tell Jewely G!

Okay, hopefully that was funny.

Enjoy!

for the wild,

crow qu’appelle