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Steve's avatar

The scene in the South Park Episode Go God Go, in the school. My favorite explanation of Darwin’s Stupid Theory.

“Mrs. Garrison Principal Victoria, it is wrong! [she's at the principal's office, her back to the principal's desk.] It is wrong and I simply will not do it! [walks back to the desk] I care about my students, and I will not fill their heads with lies! [pounds the desk for emphasis] I am NOT teaching evolution in my class!! [Mr. Mackey is also present]

Principal Victoria Mrs. Garrison, evolution is in the school curriculum. We have to teach it.

Mrs. Garrison Evolution is a theory! A hare-brained theory that says I'm a monkey! I am not a monkey!! I'm a woman!

Mr. Mackey M, m'kay. Ya-you realize evolution has been pretty much uhhh... proven.

Mrs. Garrison I warn you, Principal Victoria! Those students are not prepared to hear this stuff!

Principal Victoria Our students want to learn, Mrs. Garrison, and they're mature enough to handle anything.

Mrs. Garrison's classroom, later. The kids are chatting and moving about the classroom. Cartman is blabbering incoherently

Cartman How long until Nintendo Wii comes out now?!

Stan It's still three weeks.

Cartman Oh God... [shivers like someone in withdrawal] Okay, how long now?

Kyle Will you shut up already?! [Mrs. Garrison enters and isn't too happy about her lesson]

Mrs. Garrison All right kids, it is now my job to teach you the theory of evolution.

Butters Oh boy!

Mrs. Garrison Now I, for one, think evolution is a bunch of BULL CRAP. [nobody says anything] But I've been told I have to teach it anyway. It was thought up by Charles Darwin and it goes something like this: [goes up to a large poster of evolution and begins pointing things out with her pointer.] In the beginning we were all fish. Okay? Swimming around in the water. And then one day a couple of fish had a retard baby, and the retard baby was different, so it got to live. So retard Fish goes on to make more retard babies, and then one day, a retard baby fish crawled out of the ocean with its [waves his left hand limply]mutant fish hands... and it had butt sex with a squirrel or something and made this. [points to a rodent] retard frog squirrel, and then that had a retard baby which was a... monkey fish-frog... And then this monkey fish-frog had butt sex with that monkey, and... that monkey had a mutant retard baby that screwed another monkey and... that made you! [faces the class. A new girl is seated in the front row, looking around] So there you go! You're the retarded offspring of five monkeys having butt sex with a fish-squirrel! Congratulations!

Cartman [hopping out of his chair and running out] HEHHH! I can't take it anymore! HAAAAAH!

Mrs. Garrison Yeah? You see? I knew that would happen.”

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Anthony Bruni's avatar

What's interesting is the idea of species morphing into one another sets the foundation for transhumanism. We are just part of a cycle.

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