We've hit 2000 subs!

Reflections on a Milestone

Dear Nevermorons,

Well, we did it! We hit 2000 subs!

Now, if someone tells me “No one gives a fuck what you think”, I can say “Well, actually… literally thousands of people care what I think.”

I gotta say, it’s pretty cool to be able to say that. I’d like to thank the haters. I couldn’t have done it without you!

Given the sheer amount of quality content here on Substack, I’m definitely honoured that people are interested in what I have to say.

It’s kind of wild to try to imagine 2000 people in the same place, knowing that they all know who I am and have read my work. Writing is a solitary pursuit, and I rarely have the feeling that hundreds of people are cheering me on.

But these numbers speak for themselves.

This is as close to 30,000 views/month we’ve gotten lately.

I really don’t know how to cognitively process this. I sure don’t feel like there are thousands of people paying attention to me. I’m not even sure if I should trust the numbers. After all, some of those hits must be bots. Others are surely people who never read much past the first paragraph. How many people are actually reading Nevermore on a regular basis?

I don’t know, but clearly we have a following, and this is something to celebrate. If we keep on doing what we’re doing, we’ll get better at it, and we’ll attract more readers.

Strange as it might seem, that thought somewhat stresses me out.

Why, you ask?

Well, because I’m (primarily) a political blogger, and my stated goal is to “revitalize the anarchist tradition”. I want to have something to offer beyond recapitulation of the problems of the world. The logical thing for an anarchist writer to do is to advocate for some kind of plan to do something about those problems.

Before COVID, I was highly politically active. Nowadays, my activism is mostly limited to researching and writing. That’s important, but if theory doesn’t lead to action, what good is it?

As for the current moment, I’m not really sure that I’ve got good answers to the all-important “What is to be done?” question.

I mean, it would be great if we could all get together and overthrow all the governments of the world and live happily ever after, but I don’t personally see many encouraging signs that we’re on the cusp of some glorious revolution. I don’t want to peddle hopium or be a pitch man for a pipe dream. I struggle to come up with a realistic plan of action in a world where people are so deeply divided.

Now, to be fair, my political analysis is affected by my emotional state. When I’m feeling good in my personal life, I’m more optimistic about the prospects of a political movement emerging. When I’m feeling down, I feel decidedly more pessimistic.

Right now, I’m trying to be objective. Things are good in my personal life, but the recent Canadian election depressed me. After ten disastrous years of Canada’s Liberal dictatorship, millions upon millions of people voted for Mark Carney.

Now, I’m not saying that I think that the Conservatives would have been better, because I believe that all parties are bought and paid for by the people who really run things.

But even so, the Canadian propaganda machine showed that it is not at all a spent force. To me, the fact that so many people voted for Mark Carney shows that most people really just don’t have a clue.

Furthermore, Gaza wasn’t even an election issue. The world’s first live-streamed genocide is going on right now. There should be massive daily protests in every city, but there aren’t.

And what am I doing about it? I’m blogging. That doesn’t really feel like enough to me.

I suppose that a big part of the issue is that I moved to Mexico. If I had stayed in Canada, maybe I’d be organizing anti-war protests with other people in the real world.

By the way, apparently only 11% of our readers are Canadian, which explains why my recent posts on the Canadian election kind of flopped.

2% of our readers are from Spain?? That’s great news! Please post in the comments if speak Spanish and want to help with translation!

But I left Canada for a reason. I was going crazy during COVID. My consumption of drugs took off, and I was full of rage for a long time. That rage has mostly subsided now, and has been replaced with sadness.

A couple of years ago, I was very vocal about my low opinion of Canadians. I berated them for being brainwashed idiots, for betraying everything that they had stood for, and so on.

I’m well aware that part of the success of Nevermore was because there were a lot of other people who felt the same way I did.

In the early days of Nevermore, I was doing my best to be diplomatic; presenting thoughtful critiques of Leftists and anarchists who complied with COVID-era restrictions. But when I started angrily ranting, I gained a lot more readers.

Funny how that works, isn’t it?

I have mixed feelings about that. I can’t say I have no regrets. I can definitely stand by some of my angry rants, but not all of them. I’d definitely take back some of the things I’ve said if I could…

The fact of the matter is that I burned a lot of bridges. I felt personally betrayed by all the people who went along with the COVID lie, and I let them know it. I have less friends than I used to, and I know that I hurt people I love with some of the things I’ve said.

This may surprise people, but my sense of personal importance has actually diminished significantly in recent years.

Back when I was politically active in the anarchist movement in Canada, I had a lot of big plans and there were a lot of people who knew that I was someone who could make things happen. I used to feel like a lot more of a big shot than I do now.

Since moving to Mexico, I’ve kept to myself much more than I did before. I don’t have much of a social life and I spent most of my time reading and writing. I have no idea how many hours I’ve poured into Nevermore, but it’s the main thing I’ve been doing with my life for the past four years.

Honestly, in some ways my success as a writer feels like a consolation prize. When I reflect on the past five years, I don’t feel good about things. COVID was a horrible time in my life. It felt like intense psychological torture to me.

I have heard some people say that they enjoyed COVID, and I struggle to comprehend how such a thing is possible. To me, it was agony. I’m pretty pleased with the way that I’ve landed on my feet, but I still feel grief for what I feel that I lost over the course of the COVID nightmare.

I had a very good life in Canada before COVID. If I were to go into details about how good I had it, it would sound like I was bragging. There are definitely times I miss that life. There are definitely times where I miss the people that I’ve burned my bridges with. There are definitely people that I want to say sorry to, but in some cases it’s probably too late for that.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that my success as a blogger is bittersweet. I feel like I’ve given up a lot in exchange for these views, which, at this point, are just numbers.

I don’t know how this will come across. If it sounds like I’m ungrateful, I’m not. I very much appreciate my readers. I feel honoured that so many people are interested in what I have to say. And I look forward to the future, where my success as a writer will feel more solid than statistics on a screen. Maybe I’ll even get to the point where I’m important enough for them to lock me up or kill me.

Political persecution is the new Pulitzer prize! If they pin some bullshit charges on me, I’m going to give an acceptance speech.

But I really don’t know how to process this success. It feels weird knowing that there are a bunch of people out there in the world, who I know nothing about, who know a whole lot about me. I guess it’s something that I’ll get used to, but I haven’t gotten used to it yet.

So, I’m hoping that opening up a bit will start a conversation. This might be easier said than done, but I’d really like to get to know my readers better. I’m a person just like you, and I want my readers to be able to put themselves in my shoes.

Some of you comment regularly, and I really appreciate your comments. But most of you don’t. So how am I supposed to get to know you?

One idea I had was to do an AMA (Ask Me Anything). So if you have any questions you’d like to ask me, feel free!

Since the point of this post is to start a conversation, I figure that I'd better ask you folks some questions as well.

1. What do you like about Nevermore? What don’t you like?

2. What would you like Nevermore to focus on?

3. What do you think the natural next step for the truth movement is? How can we transition from a loose alliance of politically aware people to a political force?

4. If I were to organize an in-person activist gathering, would you travel to attend it?

5. What would make you more likely to become a paid subscriber? If I were to start doing video calls with paid subs, would that do the trick?

If I had 200 paid subscribers, I’d make $1000/month.

I’d also like to mention that Nevermore welcomes unsolicited submissions of original writing, and we also would love to hear from you if you have any desire to help us out with things like merch design, translation, IRL distribution of zines, etc.

One thing that we are always looking for is being who are willing to write book reviews. If you are interested in writing a review, please don’t hesitate to get in touch!

Thank you for helping us hit 2,000 subscribers!

Love & Solidarity,

Crow Qu’appelle

P.S. If anyone wants to propose any type of collaboration, please hit me up at thecrowisamessenger@riseup.net.