Was Hitler Jewish?

Also, I'm taking a poll - do you folx like when I call you Nevermorons or should I cut that out?

DEAR NEVERMORONS,

Before I get to today’s topic, it has been brought to my attention that some of you don’t like being referred to as NEVERMORONS.

I thought maybe that I should clarify that it is intended as a term of endearment, not an insult.

By “Nevermoron”, I mean someone who is never a moron. In other words, someone who is always smart.

It is intended as a compliment, but by now no fewer than 4 people have told me that the joke is not self-evident, and arguably jokes aren’t funny if they need to be explained.

So, because I don’t actually want to turn my readers off, I’ve decided to take a poll.

Okay, thanks for your input! Let’s move on.

So, recently I announced that I would start strategically making especially controversial content exclusive for paid subscribers.

Part of me hates doing this to you folx, and one person has already accused me of gimmickry, which inspired me to pen a screed about how under-appreciated artists are these days, and how fucking hard it is to make any money at all writing these days.

So, anyway, the plan is to start offering paid subscriber-only content, including:

• Music and Comedy Playlists

• Recipes

• Jokes (Remember when people used to tell jokes?)

• Excerpts from books (given that I’m really into political anthropology right now, I’m thinking that I’ll start sharing some of my favourite passages from different ethnographies)

• Tutorials on how to do things that Nevermorons might want to do

• Content that is TOO HOT FOR TV… Well, technically, this isn’t TV, but you know what I mean. You know - sex, drugs, crime, slander, gossip, CJ Hopkins-style anti-semitic hate speech… that kind of thing.

So, in the spirit of that last point, I have decided to to arm you with some ammo to aggravate annoyingly anal anti-anti-semitic atrocity apologists.

Why I started The October Declaration.

This is in direct response to the valiant researchers who published this hit piece which was published by my former comrades at Montreal Counter-Info and North Shore Counter-Info, which accuses me of anti-semitism whilst denying that the genocide of Mennonites in Russia after the Bolsheviks took over counts as a genocide. You can’t make this shit up.

For good measure, they accuse unnamed Mennonites of participating in the Holocaust.

Because I’m conspiracy theorist, I need sources. I need to know where information is coming from so I can appraise its values, but because the article was posted anonymously, I couldn’t reach out to the authors directly. So I mustered up my best Canuckistani politeness and reached out to both Montreal Counter-Info and North Shore Counter-Info. Remember, these are my former publishers and comrades.

I didnt’ hear back from MTL Counter-Info, but someone from the North Shore did reach out to me, though, and were nice enough to tell me that they didn’t think that my theory about Shane Burley writing the hit piece holds up.

According to my former friend Cedar Hopperton, this hilariously hackneyed half-assed hatchet job was written by people “from Eastern Canada” who don’t know me, but who probably aren’t cops. So there you go. I’ve narrowed things down significantly.

I’m coming for you, motherfuckers. Y’all better hide your kids and hide your wife.

Oh wait, you don’t have kids or a wife. Procreation assumes basic knowledge of biology. I forgot.

They didn’t explain why they would publicly denounce me instead of shooting me an email, but hey, it’s better than nothing. Tell Trish I say hi.

To all of my former comrades, I’m still willing to debate anyone about anything. DM me if you want to invite me onto your podcast. Just so you know, if you don’t debate me, I win by default.

And I’m kinda getting sick of winning so much, you know? I’ll even debate you in French if you want. I get why y’all so reluctant to debate me. I wouldn’t want to argue against basic principles of Aristotelian logic either.

If you’re wondering who Shane Burley is, by the way, he’s the despicable creep who has been persecuting the most famous anti-Zionist folk singer in the world, David Rovics.

He’s part of the Alexander Reid Ross goof troop which took over AK Press, started IGD, and probably burnt down both the Crimethinc warehouse and the AK Press warehouse.

According to Cedar, my theories are “interesting”.

So I’m guessing that Shane Burley goof troop is active in Canada, which doesn’t surprise me in the slightest.

Anyway, the hit piece that Cedar Hopperton definitely didn’t write accuses me of a bunch of things, and I’ve responded in great detail elsewhere.

But they also slung some mud at a comrade of mine, and I don’t play that shit.

In the footnotes of their literary masterpiece, my anonymous slanderers had this to say about Nevermore contributor James Corbett:

A long-time conspiracy theorist and early adopter of Soros conspiracies who believes that “Hitler was a Rothschild” and seems to see shadowy Jewish hands behind everything from WWI to 9/11.

Wow. Succinct. I wonder if they watched The WWI Conspiracy. That documentary argues that Cecil Rhodes, Lord Milner and others did pull some strings to start WWI, and it’s pretty damn convincing. But it focuses on white supremacist British imperialists, not Jews.

But… the claim that they make about James Corbett claiming that Hitler was a Rothschild is actually true. He explicitly says so in a 2013 podcast episode entitled Who Funded Hitler?

This is big news, obviously. We’re not talking about Joe Bleau here. We’re talking about James Corbett. He’s not one to talk out of his ass.

So, was Hitler Jewish?

Well, I hate to do this to you cheap bastards, but if you want to find out, I’m going to have to charge you a whopping five smackeroos.

Time to break open that piggy bank!

NO, HITLER WAS NOT JEWISH.

That doesn’t mean that you’re not about to learn something, though.

There is evidence to suggest that his father *may* have been the bastard son of one Baron Rothschild.

Before I share that evidence, I should point out that there are multiple possible definitions of Jew.

In this brilliant video, Robert Anton Wilson lists 5 possible definitions of Jew.

1. RABBINICAL DEFINITION: Someone with a Jewish mother.

2. NAZI DEFINTION: Anyone with a known Jewish ancestor.

3. Someone who practices the Jewish religion.

4. Someone who regards him- or herself as Jewish because of ethnic or cultural solidarity despite not having a Jewish mother or practicing the Jewish religion.

5. Someone who doesn’t generally regard himself as Jewish but finds himself identified that way (like Dreyfus).

So, apparently, Adolf Hitler was Jewish only according to one definition - the Nazi one. Is that ironic? I don’t even know anymore.

What do you guys think? Is this ironic? Non-ironic? Pre-ironic? Post-Ironic? Meta-Ironic?

Personally, I think we can take the Nazi definition of Jew and chuck it in the fuck it bucket. I’m 1/64th Ashkenazi Jew, meaning that I have at least one known Jewish ancestor. I don’t feel that that makes me Jewish. Do you?

Anyway what follows is an excerpt from a book called The Mind of Adolf Hitler - The Secret Wartime Report by Walter C. Langer.

Enjoy!

THE HITLER FAMILY

There is a great deal of confusion in studying Hitler's family tree. Much of this is due to the fact that the name has been spelled in various ways: Hitler, Hidler, Hiedler, and Huettler. It seems reasonable to suppose, however, that it is fundamentally the same name spelled in various ways by different members of what was basically an illiterate peasant family. Adolf Hitler himself signed his name Hittler on the first Party membership blanks, and his sister usually spells her name as Hiedler. Another element of confusion is introduced by the fact that Adolf's mother's mother was also named Hitler, which later became the family name of his father. Some of this confusion is dissipated, however, when we realize that Adolf's parents had a common ancestor (father's grandfather and mother's great-grandfather), an inhabitant of the culturally backward Waldviertel district of Austria.

Adolf's father, Alois Hitler, was the illegitimate son of Maria Anna Schicklgruber. It is generally supposed that the father of Alois Hitler was a Johann Georg Hiedler, a miller's assistant. Alois, however, was not legitimized, and he bore his mother's name until he was forty years of age when he changed it to Hitler. Just why this was done is not clear, but it is generally said among the villagers that it was necessary in order to obtain a legacy. Where the legacy came from is unknown. One could suppose that Johann Georg Hiedler relented on his deathbed and left an inheritance to his illegitimate son together with his name. It seems strange, however, that he did not legitimize the son when he married Anna Schicklgruber thirty-five years earlier. Why the son chose to take the name Hitler instead of Hiedler, if this is the case, is also a mystery that has remained unsolved. Unfortunately, the date of the death of Hiedler has not been established, and consequently we are unable to relate these two events in time. A peculiar series of events, prior to Hitler's birth, furnishes plenty of food for speculation.

There are some people who seriously doubt that Johann Georg Hiedler was the father of Alois. Thyssen and Koehler, for example, claim that Chancellor Dollfuss had ordered the Austrian police to conduct a thorough investigation into the Hitler family. As a result of this investigation a secret document was prepared that proved that Maria Anna Schicklgruber was living in Vienna at the time she conceived. At that time she was employed as a servant in the home of Baron Rothschild. As soon as the family discovered her pregnancy she was sent back to her home in Spital where Alois was born. If it is true that one of the Rothschilds is the real father of Alois Hitler, it would make Adolf a quarter Jew. According to these sources, Adolf Hitler knew of the existence of this document and the incriminating evidence it contained. In order to obtain it he precipitated events in Austria and initiated the assassination of Dollfuss. According to this story, he failed to obtain the document at that time since Dollfuss had secreted it and had told Schuschnigg of its whereabouts so that in the event of his death the independence of Austria would remain assured. Several stories of this general character are in circulation.
    

Those who lend credence to this story point out several factors that seem to favor its plausibility.

1.  That it is unlikely that the miller's assistant in a small village in this district would have very much to leave in the form of a legacy.

2. That it is strange that Johann Hiedler should not claim the boy until thirty-five years after he had married the mother and the mother had died.

3. That if the legacy were left by Hiedler on the condition that Alois take his name, it would not have been possible for him to change it to Hitler.

4. That the intelligence and behavior of Alois, as well as that of his two sons, is completely out of keeping with that usually found in Austrian peasant families. They point out that their ambitiousness and extraordinary political intuition are much more in harmony with the Rothschild tradition.

5. That Alois Schicklgruber left his home village at an early age to seek his fortune in Vienna where his mother had worked.

6. That it would be peculiar for Alois Hitler, while working as a customs official in Braunau, to choose a Jew named Print, of Vienna, to act as Adolf's godfather unless he felt some kinship with the Jews himself.

This is certainly a very intriguing hypothesis, and much of Adolf's later behavior could be explained in rather easy terms on this basis. However, it is not absolutely necessary to assume that he has Jewish blood in his veins in order to make a comprehensive picture of his character with its manifold traits and sentiments. From a purely scientific point of view, therefore, it is sounder not to base our reconstruction on such slim evidence but to seek firmer foundations.

Nevertheless, we can leave it as a possibility that requires further verification.n any event Maria Anna Schicklgruber died when Alois was five years of age. When he was thirteen he left the Waldviertel and went to Vienna where he learned to be a cobbler. The next twenty-three years of his life are largely unaccounted for. It seems probable that during this time he joined the army and had perhaps been advanced to the rank of noncommissioned officer. His service in the army may have helped him to enter the Civil Service as Zollamtsoffizial later on.

THANKS FOR READING! BECAUSE THIS WAS AN EXPERIMENTAL POST, I WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF YOU WOULD PLEASE GIVE ME SOME FEEDBACK BY RATING HOW MUCH YOU ENJOYED IT.

AS ALWAYS, YOUR COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED.

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